Give Whatever You've Got Left
by Specificitydarling
Summary: He don't know what to say to her; he ain't never been good with words. Zoe/Jayne friendship only. Post-Serenity: the Movie.


**My second Firefly story. Writing Jayne was particularly stressful, so I hope I did him justice! Please let me know what you think :)**

**All recognizable material belongs to Joss Whedon and his tea**m.

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><p>He walks into the dining room, his hands full of guns. He got shot at twice today and all he wants is to clean out his guns and relax a little. At the entrance he stops short. Someone was already at one end of the table, stealing his idea. Zoe.<p>

He swallows. He ain't scared. But he ain't talked to Zoe since Serenity was fixed. Well, they talked in that she told him to shut up and the like. Truth is, he don't know what to say to her. He figures she'll break his fingers if he gets it wrong.

He clears his throat good and loud and she don't even flinch. Must've heard him in the corridor then. He's a mite surprised she's there. She ain't been in the dining room at all 'cept for meal times. And not even all of 'em. Mostly she stays in her bunk. Or works in the cargo hold, doing jobs he woulda done. But she offers so he lets her. Sometime he sees her go to the Bridge, but only ever when the ships on autopilot, only when she can be alone.

S'weird. Like she's there but she ain't. She does her job, listens to Mal, calls him Sir and don't complain one bit. But she don't look you in the eye anymore. And when she shoots it's like she ain't got nothing to lose anymore. She'll spend a whole round when all she needed was one ruttin' shot. Waste of bullets, if you ask him. But he bites his tongue.

He steps into the dining room and leans against the other edge of the table. "Y'mind?" he grunts. She shakes her head without taking her eyes off her piece, so he sits and spreads out his stuff. The silence is getting to him. The whole ship is dead tonight. River and Mal are flying her, and he don't ever wanna think about what Kaylee and the Doc are doing. They got these little touches and looks that make him wanna throw up his gorram dinner. Inara's doing her own private business and he don't ever let himself think about it for too long because he won't ever stop.

He opens and shuts his mouth a few times, swallowing whatever he can think of. Nothing ruttin' fits. Eventually he just looks up at her and her hand pauses what it's doing so he knows she's noticed.

"Look, Zoe, I ain't ever been good with my words-" he starts.

"I ain't asking you to use them," she cuts him off. Normally that woulda made him mad, but this is different.

Zoe ain't ever easy to talk to. It used to be 'cause she'd always look at you like you were nothing. Didn't know whether she was angry at you or angry at everythin'. Always a little afraid she would shoot you if you said the wrong thing. But now, it's like she's sad. He don't remember Zoe ever being sad before.

"I know," he says, grimacing. Sometimes he wished he was better at talking. Maybe he ain't got a ladyfriend, but he's got family. He don't ever wanna lose his momma like that.

For a second he does what he never does. He wishes time could go backwards. Ain't no use of that so he stopped a long time ago but now he can't help it. 'Course he wishes the pilot weren't gorram dead. But also he kinda wishes he was nicer to the guy. Ain't never had anything against him. That's just how he is. Wash was a ruttin' good pilot. And he was good for Zoe. He ain't ever known her without him, but if it's anything like this, then hell...

Wash made her smile. He remembers the first time he heard her laugh. Was maybe his third day on the ship and he didn't think such a happy sound could come outta a woman like that. He turned around and saw her arms around the pilot. Wondered what he's got to make her so. He never did figure it out, but gorram, it was _something_.

"If y'need anything..." he persists because if anything he ain't a quitter.

Did she just scoff? He stares at her and she finally looks up at him. She looks kinda... empty. Kinda like River did before they got to Miranda but less crazy. River ain't so bad now, she don't freak him out as much. Now he kinda wishes she were still a mite crazy if it meant that Wash weren't dead and buried. Part of him feels bad, but he can't help it.

"I'll keep that in mind, Jayne." It's obvious she don't wanna talk no more. She starts to pack up her weapon and he knows she'll go back to her bunk for the rest of the night.

"Ain't nothing to me, but I know he sure loved you like you were better than all the stars in the 'verse."

She freezes. And he stares, no idea what made him ruttin' say that. S'like he couldn't stop himself. Didn't even know what it was till he said it. He don't ever say gorram sap like that. And now she's gonna shoot him.

Maybe she won't, he hopes, 'cause she just cleaned her gun an' all.

Instead she picks up her stuff and picks up her head and looks at him and smiles. It's a tiny gorram smile, but he don't remember the last time Zoe smiled at him.

She moves towards him and he tries his damnedest not to flinch but she only walks past him towards the bunks.

"Night, Jayne," she calls out behind her and he grunted in reply. And for a bit Serenity seems a bit warmer. Or maybe he's just gorram crazy.


End file.
